Ok, so this post is purely, 100% from other people’s brilliance. Actually none of it is from me. I just simply connected the dots and use it.

I’m reading Dr. Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly, and in it she talks about how vulnerability is connected to worthiness (Just read it. Don’t make me explain all of that.). And when it comes to similar emotions of shame, guilt, humiliation and embarrassment, what distinguishes them from each other is your self talk.

Shame-I am bad.
Guilt-I did something bad.
Humiliation-I didn’t deserve that.
Embarrassment-I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s ever…

When something bad happens, what do you want to  hear: That was a bad decision or you’re a bad person? If it was a bad decision, you can do better next time. You can grow and change. If you’re a bad person, it’s just who you are. It’s fixed versus growth mindset (throwing some buzzwords in there). When someone tries to belittle you, what do you want to hear: They’re wrong and out of line or they’re absolutely right; I am horrible?

When something happens, what do you tell yourself? Because you won’t catch it unless you’re listening for it. One way I’ve heard it taught is, “You have to think about what you’re thinking about.” You actually have to consciously stop and examine your thoughts during the moment.

And that’s when the dots connected it for me: How I self talk determines how I feel, which determines my action. 

What I tell myself will make me feel and then act a certain way—good or bad.

This was huge for me! And I know you’re probably thinking, “Duh!”, but what if that meant the next time you made a stupid mistake you could regain some self-esteem and actually remain calm, ALL because you told yourself that you were smart. What if the next time you were fighting with your SO, you could effectively communicate—truly communicate—, ALL because you told yourself you were loved. You may actually apologize first (gasp). TRY IT! The next time you feel a negative emotion, tell yourself you possess the opposite characteristic (something positive). You may have to do it for like a good three minutes, but it’ll help! It may not take away the mountain, but it will portray it as the molehill it probably is.

I’m constantly trying to change my actions, but what if I just changed the way I thought about myself. I’d probably be more of the woman I intend to be.

Gosh, I probably butchered it. Just read the book.